A better way of drinking Whiskey

Uh yes, I wanted to be posting lots and lots by now, and I do have a handful of drafts waiting, but I just can’t find the time to finish them. Until my deadline situation is resolved, let me entertain you with this pretty little video:

Pic Post: Meme

I’m not that fond of memes normally, but I thought what the heck. Coming back from not posting, you need to have something good to say and if you don’t you better distract your readers. Also, uni term hasn’t started yet, so I have time to spend my evenings with a glass of whiskey, pondering why I am attracted to Schreibertooth, yet not Liev Schreiber. Apologies for my language, I spent too much time on ontd_startrek and now often sound like an excited 17 year old.

The meme found via kitty-nin is simple:
(1) List 10 celebrities you would have sex with.
(2) Put all of them in order of your lust for them. (10 – 1, 1 is the hottest.)
(3) Say which movie/show/thing it was that hooked you.
(4) Supply photos for said people.

And since we’re on it, let’s debunk a few myths along the way, starting with “women aren’t visual”. Um yes, we are, that’s why this is an enormously large photo post about people that turn me on. Visually. (And yes, this is a very white post, I’m fully aware of that.)

Let’s go!

10. Andy Schleck – cyclist

Andy Schleck would be the left one – the right one’s his brother Frank and unfortunately the sexy genes have been divided somewhat unevenly. Yes, they might not show so much here, but listen: The Schleck brothers take part in the Tour de France every year, which is reason alone to love them. The shaven legs, the skinny arms, the perseverance. Three weeks, 3000 kilometers, Alps and Pyrenees. Talk about stamina! Talk about high pain tolerance! And bring along one of these ridiculously sexy racing bikes!

9. Francois Sagat – doesn’t turn up on my tumblr-dashboard often enough

Plus: Skull tattoo! Gorgeous beard! Beautiful eyes! Muscles muscles muscles! And he knows he’s hot which – listen up, guys – is a huge turn-on!
Downside: Sometimes he seems a little mad.
Plus: Makes sex more adventurous!
Downside: But only sex with other men.
Plus: He does porn! I can watch!

8. Karl Urban - Dr. McCoy in Star Trek XI, Eomer in Lord of the Rings

The GIF says it all, non? I sat through Doom just because of that sexy GQMF. I really don’t know how the producers ever planned on making money by marketing that piece of crap towards heterosexual boys.

7. Gerard Butler – Leonidas in 300

He’s Scottish. The accent! Guh! He wears kilts. He did an entire film wearing nothing but leather pants, sandals, a cape and a helmet. And at points less! The film is horribly racist,  sexist, homophob and and all the “oh, but it’s from a graphic novel! oh it’s got nothing to do with wars! it’s just a film! don’t be so sensitive! it’s all about the graphics!” doesn’t change a fucking thing about that. Racism is racism, no matter whether it comes with shiny CGI or not. My clit, however, was highly entertained with all the man-candy and especially with the death by arrows in the end. Did I mention my St. Sebastian kink?

6. Claire Adams

One of the few sadistic women in porn that I enjoy watching, I firmly believe sex with her would be awesome.

5. Betty Dodson – sex educator

The truth is Betty Dodson is a category of her own. She’s a sex educator! She’s been teaching pleasure and orgasms and all the good things about sex for longer than I’ve been alive! If anybody knows how to have mind-blowing sex, it’s got to be her. She’s smart, she’s funny and she’s gorgeous and just generally absolutely awesome! Betty, I love you!

And since we’re on it: Do you know what the clitoral glands, the bulbs and the legs of the clitoris are? I didn’t.

4. Taylor Kitsch – Gambit in X-Men: Origins

All this bollocks about men not being beautiful, but “handsome”? Fuck that shit and take a good luck. There’s a reason why he played a character called Remy LeBeau!

3. Phil Anselmo – singer in Pantera and Down

It’s not so much about having sex with a man notoriously high. It’s about the almost ridiculous display of masculinity. It’s about that voice! UNF! Oh man, talk to me, talk about anything you want, just talk right into my pussy UNF.

2. Hugh Jackman – Wolverine in the X-Men films, nameless Clint Eastwood lookalike in Australia

Just look at that man! Look.at.that.man! Just one picture cannot do his hotness justice! And he’s Australian – that accent alone’s having a party in my pants. Did I mention he’s Wolverine? I really don’t care much about Jackman when he’s not a) Wolverine b) looking like Clint Eastwood. Clean-shaven, short hair, chick flicks? Please, spare me. Give me an indestructable killing machine and lots of naughty slash fiction with the beautiful Cajun!

However, Wolverine didn’t make it to number one. Incredible, I know. Why? Because I figured, since this is about celebrities you’d want to have sex with, you better pick one who’s not into any kind of sex, but the one I like. The kind of sex that turns me into a wet puddle incapable of speech. Steamingly hot kinky leather sex with muscular men.

1. Tober Brandt

The first issue with a porn star is of course to find photos more or less safe for work. So unfortunately you’ll have to miss out on all the gorgeous pictures including piercings in places I could not even name. Also, what’s not to love about a guy who turns up to evil dungeon shoots with rainbow coloured hair? A guy who can both look like either evil Sabretooth and a cute teddy bear?
The other issue here, as evident in the picture, being that Tober Brandt shares everything I love about sex, including my taste in muscle man. Dear beautiful man who’s having his nipples pinched – I envy you.

(Porn industry, are you listening? I am a woman. I watch porn! I’m ready to pay for it! That is, as long as I actually get to see men in it, hot men getting hurt and who’re enjoying themselves. Hence you’ll never get my money for the sexist bullshit you sell as “femdom” porn!)

We interrupt this non-posting silence…

…for the short and important announcement that I’ve received my first KINK BINGO CARD from this fantastic community!

Look at it in all its glory! Yeah! Hot! I’ll go get to work…

Foot Fetish Schleck brothers RPF (I’m kind of ashamed I did that)

Worship Calypso/Odysseus

Branding Wolverine/Gambit

Painplay Rory/Jess (Gilmore Girls, so yes, it’s a nice and fluffy version)

Object penetration Wolverine/Gambit

Locks / Chains Wolverine/Gambit

Time to Say Goodbye

I’ve decided to suspend this blog for a while to concentrate on some other writing projects. For the time being, you can still follow me on tumblr and I’ll be posting smut and other short stories on livejournal occasionally.

A big thank you to everyone who’s been reading and for the comments!

Cheers

Highly Illogical

Look! I found you some lunacy! (Hat-tip to Ren.)

The posturing of sadists and masochists as “transgressive” can be confusing to those not familiar with feminist theory.

This statement might be confusing to those not familiar with bdsm because it makes widly generalized assumptions about “sadists and masochists”. I’ve given up hope of ever finding out who these transgressive kinksters are because they’re never ever quoted or linked to.

By definition, the ultimate goal of feminism is to end sadomasochism.

I thought the ultimate goal of feminism is to end discrimination against women? No? Damn you, teachers! And damn you too, CEDAW, for not even mentioning sadomasochism! What kind of fake feminism is that?!

Our system is sadomasochistic to the core, how is celebrating it any kind of true rebellion? [...].

I must have gotten it all wrong when I was young because I thought there was something wrong with me for having sm fantasies. I thought I had to hide them like something shameful, when in fact, everyone’s celebrating it! How did I not realize that? The proudly rebellious sadomasochists – they’re everywhere!

The political values of sadism are blatantly antifeminist, totalitarian and right-wing.

Oh that’s why the universe has been running so weird lately! As a sadist who takes gender courses, tells her friends off for not going to the polls and demonstrates against the right-wing parties in her country – I MUST be causing little implosions all along!
I haven’t sorted out, though, what exactly the political values of my preferred way of fucking are. And where is my local Sadist Party and what is their program? Whips and orgasms for everyone? Or – gosh! – could it be Safe Sane Consensual? Risk Aware Consensual Kink? Safewords, kind of like the feminist “no means no”?

Sadomasochism is business as usual; power relations as usual; race, gender and class as usual.

If it’s power relations, race, gender and class as usual, then that’s because it doesn’t exist in a separate universe. One might as well claim that taking a dog for a walk or cooking spaghetti is business as usual. Sexist people won’t have non-sexist intercourse, obviously. So this sentence would maybe make sense if it claimed that sm is sex as usual, but somehow that’s what Melissa Farley is arguing against.

Sadomasochism is one ritual version of dominance and submission. Sadomasochism is not a creative deviation from normal heterosexual behavior.

Is that some heterosexism I’m smelling? Or do gay and lesbian kinksters get a free pass? And listen, just because you’re not fucking in the missionary position with the guy on top and the gal lying back thinking of England – that does not mean you’re creative, ok? Masochistic men and sadist women? You’re normal! Just get it! Now grab a beer and start celebrating with all the other transgressive kinksters in the Sadist Party!

It is the defining quality of the power relationship between women and men.

And I thought that was the rigid gender binary or the separate spheres or economic inequalities… No stupid! It’s the blindfold and the spanking! Duh!

Sadism is the logical extension of behavior that arises out of male power. [...]

Logic, you say? Oh yes, we already established that I am the illogical unicorn, being female and all.

We live in a misogynist world, and women have so little political power, that it’s easier to fantasize about absolute personal power than to politically organize for change.

And you can’t have both, goddamit! Because all these dirty fantasies, they just make organizing impossible! I spend all day masturbating to me ruling the world, which apparently is business as usual – but also impossible! But I understand inconsistencies in writing – all this fantasizing makes not only organizing difficult…

Changes

Tataaaa this is my one year blogiversary. I can’t believe I’ve made it that long! So, I guess it’s time to take a look back. However, I don’t think that what I’ve been writing is the interesting part of this story, but rather how I’ve changed.

I started off wanting to write. It wasn’t that I felt like I had something to say – or anything new to add. I just wanted to write about something, mostly genderwise or kinky.

The reason I ever got into blogs was kink. I had been devouring any kind of information on bdsm for years, trying to sort out what and why and how it was and in what way all of that mess related to me. And clever blogs by kinky folks not only got me hooked on the blogosphere. They also provided me with a more realistic view on bdsm, one that emphasized pleasure, not shame.

Over the last year, I’ve found a language to talk about kink and I’ve met people who share these tastes. Most importantly, I’ve found a freedom to gain experience, intense and beautiful.

And now? Now there’s the odd bit. I’m not all that bothered about bdsm anymore. Sure, it’s still my kind of sexuality and I don’t think that’ll ever change. It still fuels my dreams and is source of every single one of my orgasms. But it’s all put into a different perspective, just one of many kinds of sex. A good beating is as nice as a French kiss, and a sexy story doesn’t need d/s anymore to keep my interest. If a guy gave me a lapdance it’d make me just as happy as tying him up. I somewhat feel like I’m through with bdsm and its many sexist and racist forms. I’ve seen it all and I’ve had enough of it. I’m kinky, but it no longer constrains me.

Mostly, though, I now wonder about gender and its many different forms, trying to see more variety when I walk through the streets, allowing for a greater freedom in my own expressions. I’m trying to sort out my own bias and my own stereotypes. I’m trying to balance out my own masculinity and my feminity, trying to take both as a source of pride, as one more aspect of myself, trying to give each its time and place. I still identify as woman, but woman’s no longer a natural term. It no longer determines who I am.

If gender though no longer carries that much significance, what’s left of my heterosexuality? For a while I was attempting to only gaze at men, no longer at women. I wanted to sexualize men in the same way women have been sexualized for me all along. And I’ve received the strangest responses for doing so. As if desiring men was some sort of very odd fetish. And rather disgusting/highly ridiculous.

But I am turned on by female bodies, too. And I’m sure I fall in love not because of the sex of my lover but because of their personality. I didn’t want to fall into the “all women are bisexual anyway”-cliche. But a 0 heterosexuality just doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.

The most important change in my life is linked to all of this. I finally have a answer to the most horrible of all questions: “And what do you want to work when you’re finished with uni?” I’m determined to do master Sexuality Studies and I’m going to make a living talking about sex. Hell yeah!

This is where I’m at now. Changing. But with perspective.

~~~

And as a little blogiversary present to myself, here’s the mighty Down.

I’m a little lazy…

… and when you’re lazy, looking through nice pictures and re-blogging is so much better than writing. Hence, your lazy host is now tumblering. If you believe I can show you something you haven’t seen somewhere else already, then voila: ireensarrows.tumblr.com. There’s hot people, dressed and undressed, and a bit of fangirling and some genderbending. NSFW but that’s understood, right?

PS: Nony looking for “wolverine porn”? I know how you feel! There’s not enough of it!!!

Saint Sebastian

Oh yes! A friend was as nice as to take a picture of Saint Sebastian in Paris for me. She knows how happy hot semi-nude men tied up in public make me. And look at how happy he seems, too! What a cute smile!

Isn’t he beautiful? Isn’t he delicious? Doesn’t he look delighted?

It seems strangely contradictory that these images of proud male submission originate from within a religious discourse so rigid when it gets to gender roles. Heteronormativity not only means that there are two sexes – and only two – and only reproductive intercourse is allowed. It also implies which sex plays which role, which part is to be fulfilled by a man and which by a woman. Passivity equals feminity – one of the reasons why the above statue shows not only boyish but feminine features. As if submission of men – masculine submission – was unthinkable, a contradiction in terms, impossible.

But funnily there is something about depictions of Saint Sebastian like the above that is often missing from contemporary imaginations of male submission. It is that pride and joy he shows. He is not ashamed. Submission is not a source of shame, unlike so often believed and depicted in erotica. Sebastian here not only sought out his situation himself, but created it; he acted according to his desire (even if it isn’t explicetely sexual but rather meant to be tortured and die at the hands of a heathen to find fulfillment and salvation – which, obviously, is not recommandable). Sebastian is not a passive victim, neither of himself nor of others. Just look at him, how he’s openly beaming with joy.

Of course, talking about kink and killing seems very much out of place, but then Sebastian can so easily be read in different lights, can be misread or read as queer. After all, this is a story, a myth, and I believe that myths hardly ever tell the story they pretend to do. And so many of the aspects of the Sebastian-tale allow for different interpretations – be it his nudity, his beauty, the arrows as signs of Eros or the phallus even, and a long history of gay artists interpretating the motif. And death, of course, being le petit mort.

So, it looks like I have after all managed to write a short version of my long promised Saint Sebastian post. What would I do without my friends sending me these nice pic posts late at night? Oh yes, I know… stare at Sebastians instead of writing… in my bunk… did I mention I love hot naked guys tied up in public who’re proud of their sexuality?

Power Rangers

This is an interesting picture in its depiction of gender and how feminity is signified: pink, skirt, legs together. When really, there’d be nothing wrong with her wearing the same outfit as everyone else (in my opinion, Mr. Yellow could do with a little skirt). Also, I assume that a lot of thinking and planning has gone into this picture, as with all character development and promotional material. So there must be very specific reasons why (most of) the Power Rangers stand the way they do. I’d love to hear why these reasons do not apply to the woman, when everyone else is made the same.

I wonder whether the pink skirted power ranger was added specifically to attract girls as viewers or reflect diversity in some very fucked up way. The assumption, though, that anything feminine comes in pink and cute rather worries me… okay, it disgusts me. Yes, this might come as a big suprise, but no, I do not prefer pink over any other colour. Nor do I wear skirts all the time.

On the other hand, though, nothing forces me to understand this picture the way it was intended. Nothing in the image tells us how the characters in these outfits identify genderwise. Any of them could be woman or man or trans, could be butch or femme or camp or bear or drag or…

Masculinity

Maybe this is the sort of examining that doesn’t lead anywhere. The sort that’ll just come to the point of shit-is-fucked-up – but we knew that anyway.

So, what I’ve been wondering is: What’s my fascination with masculinity? Not with men in general; with the ideals of masculinity, images of heroes and loners, icons and superstars. Every so often I fall for one of them and become a fangirl in love to the point where it is actually a little embarassing.  Almost like some sort of obsession. I spend hours searching for more images of whoever it is at that moment, I’d think about him all the time, make up little stories before I fall asleep, even try and dress like him. And I usually have to hold back hard not to make him the only topic of all of my conversations. Because that topic always includes stupid smiles, beamining with joy like only a fangirl in love can beam, sort of out of control.

These obsessions are not entirely sexual. Partly yes, but not entirely. As far as I can think back, my sexual fantasies have been equally mixed with men and women, but all of them were just bodies without names for the length of a wank. Maybe a fantasy would start with someone I have a crush on, but this has never gotten me over the edge. I’d only come back to them afterwards. The ones with names, though, have always been men with the exception of one or two women – and these were porn actresses, unlike the sports icons, movie stars, famous singers the men are.

Why are these crushes all on men or male figures? This cannot be about plain heterosexuality if my actual sexual fantasies include a lot of women. This sort of identification, this wanting to be them and have them and be theirs, this unbearable longing, this idealisation, has only occured with men. And that bothers me.

It’s not that I want to be a man. I’ve never felt like I’ve been born in the wrong body – as a matter of fact, I very much like my body and I’m very comfortable in it. I don’t feel the need to change anything about it – and though I’ve played with the idea of what it’d be like to have a man’s body, it’s not that I desperately want one.  Even if I had the chance, I wouldn’t change my sex. Overall, I guess I’m probably more comfortable in my body than most women I know. So, no, this is not about sex.

I hate to think this is about desire.  Not as in sexual desire, but as in who or what is desirable. Who are you gonna copy and imitate, who’s an idol, what is worth aiming for? I’ve known hardly any women I wanted to be like. As if whatever women do – I’d watch them with an especially critical eye. “Did she only get there because of her looks? Did she sleep her way up? She’s a woman, she can’t be as good. Even if she is good, even if she is better than anyone else, people will be sceptical. She will not be accepted. The media will rip her to shreds.  This will be so embarassing.” Where the hell have I picked that up? From my openly misogynist father? From my conservative grandmother? Does this culture really breathe and sweat misogyny with every text it writes, with every picture it takes, with every story it tells?

The default sex for success and cleverness and efficiency and strength is male. And even if some acts of masculinity are full of failures – and what else is a taciturn killer without friends but an alcohol addiction? – they still become iconic and cool and remain at the center of all stories. Whereas successful acts of feminity seem impossible. Never desirable. Never cool. Never worth wanting to be her and have her and be hers.

And yes, I hate all that. I wish I had never felt like that. But this is what I learnt and at the age of twelve I stated in my diary that I despised women. Feminity, I meant, not actual women. It’s been a long time since then, but my idealisation of masculinity hasn’t changed.

Nonetheless, I’m convinced it’s possible to unlearn gender bias. To unlearn gender binaries – to reveal the artificial ideology of what seems like nature. I’m convinced I’ll one day have a gigantic fangirl crush on a woman because she’ll be the greatest person in the whole wide world, the most awesome and inspirational and desirable. ’cause what’s that got to do with gender?